Self-confidence is not body confidence. Your self-confidence is not your body’s confidence.

Your confidence is how much you believe in yourself and what you can do. Self-esteem is how much you believe you’re worthy of respect from others based on different factors.

Your low self-esteem has been caused by a lot of things. There are a lot of ways to increase your self-confidence but changing your body is not one of them, since this is a toxic society we live in, I understand you may be scared of this time of the year, the best time of your life apparently and somehow you think it has to do with your body or any insecurities you may have.    That is why you may be considering either gaining or losing weight for this summer. Which is why you should not.

Never do that, and if you think the only way you’ll enjoy his summer is by looking like some made-up illusion inside your mind then you should read this.

First I’m going to highlight the major problem which is number one. Then I want you to hold on to number 4 even if it’s the only thing you’ll get out of this.

The Insecure Girl’s guide to being body Positive

1.      Throw Beauty standards in the trash:

The number one cause of low self-esteem, especially when it concerns body image is beauty standards.

Every single day, whether consciously or unconsciously, we absorb different bits of information, not recognizing whether they are good or bad. From the movies we watch, books we read, there’s always an ‘it’ person. That girl, or guy that is perfect, that is the epitome of beauty, what we should all aspire to be like.

That’s all bullshit, the same person behind those publications is the same person around You that tells you your body is not enough.

Most of these images are created by people who try to create the perfectionism out of their own insecurities and you and I who don’t know better believe them.

Sure, there are now movies about girls that are too slim or too fat on their journey to love and self-confidence, but self-confidence is not achieved when you get someone that loves you for you.

No one is forever, so what happens when that person is not around, that’s still self-esteem.

And thank you for putting fat or slim girls in movies but the fact that those girls like us are still portrayed to have low self-esteem because of their body doesn’t make it better, just makes it more relatable and makes us adapt the fact that it’s okay to not be confident in our bodies.

You can be perfectly happy with your body without ‘fixing it’

2.      Consider that losing weight may be bad for your health:

Summer is not all about the slaying, sure it’s great to look good, but is it worth it to lose weight for a few months a terrible way I presume then it’s okay to be unfit the rest of the year? Does that sound right to you? I don’t think it is.

Unless you are ready to go on a healthy lifestyle change that will eventually give you the body you want, the right way, also improve your health and skin, and help you keep it off while gradually working to increase your self-esteem in the process, then you should not lose weight.

You’ll put your body through hell and the first compliments feel good sure, but you will feel terrible. Ask anyone that has lost weight before, there are downsides, especially if it’s for a trend or something seasonal.

The moment you get that body back, since there’s no way you’ll put it off completely, your self-esteem will drop, I mean you already believed from the compliments or attention you got that being thin is great, the moment your back to your previous weight with episodes of anxiety, you’ll be worse.

You’re better off how you are. I’m not trying to scare you, but it is what it is.

3.      What is your body meant for?

If you know it in you that your body is not made to determine what you do as an individual, that it has a greater purpose. The fact that your legs are supposed to help you walk, not to look gild in heels and that heels will destroy them, and you are thankful for them.

When you are thankful for that body part, the flaws it has are overshadowed and you will feel great about them.

‘Okay they can do a lot of things and if fitting on those jeans isn’t one of them, then I’m okay with it I can get a bigger pair of jeans.’

We take a lot of things for granted and when you lose those legs due to an accident, or god forbid a beauty treatment, maybe it gets burnt or gets broken, then you’ll realize having slim long legs is the least of your problems.

4.      Having your dream body may be bad for you:

Have you ever wondered if you had that dream body you’ll be a completely different person?

Well I have, and my friends have, having done boarding school and stepped over the just friends boundaries, you learn a lot from your friends.

When we talked about things we liked to improve we thought what if having that slim thick figure made me a completely different person, if I had it, I would have been obsessed with it, it would have been where my strengths lied and I would have shown it off to the entire world. Does that sound like someone you know?

Yes, it does, every plastic mean girl in the movies, Instagram, and real-life, having that body would have been your greatest asset and knowing physical beauty is temporary, you would have been at a great loss.

I’m thankful feeling ‘less beautiful’ made me concentrate on a different part of my life, tried to improve what I could, my studies, hobbies, following my passion, learning about myself, just to make me reach the standard in a different area of life.

I’ve realized telling myself all I had was my brain was a good relief at that time, but that’s not all I have, I know I’m beautiful, I know I’m pretty, I know my body is great, despite what I thought about it.

And now, I seem to have a lot more than if I just had that one thing.

5.      Fix what you can and accept what you can’t:

This is one of my life savers when growing my self-esteem, I came across this quote when I was looking for inspiration and somehow, I found the perfect use for it.

Look at your body and look at everything you want to change, everything. And make a list. Break it into two. What you can fix and what you can’t.

It could be your weight, your nose, your complexion, your posture. Also when I say fix, surgery is out of the question, like completely out. So, your weight, your posture is fixable but your complexion and nose are not. Sure in some cases you can improve your complexion, depending on what you want to do.

So I take my weight and my posture then I sit down with myself, write the pros and cons then decide based on everything we discussed if I want to fix it or not.

If I do, I make a plan. Exercises, meal plans, something healthy, that I could do, then I do it.

You own your body okay, just because it’s the way it is, doesn’t mean it can’t be improved.

When I see my posture and complexion I know I can’t fix them, I will sit down, to trace the root of the problem, what is it that makes me not like them. Is it the social media, is it my community, and when I do that, when I know the cause, I accept them.

6.      Accept your flaws:

When you accept your flaws, no one can use them against you, it doesn’t happen overnight, but when I say okay this is what my nose looks like, this is what is, it is part of me, it does not define me, everyone is made different, I am unique and it makes me me.

Sure it doesn’t happen overnight, but one step at a time and the next time someone points your insecure out, the only response that will come to mind is okay, I know. Nothing bad.

7.      Find a job/hobby:

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop.

When you have nothing to do, that’s when you have time to absorb social media negativity, scrutinize yourself, and think bad thoughts. When you have a task to do, maybe a part-time job, or just activities with friends you’ll not have time to even criticize yourself.

Read: 99 productive things that will help stop negative thoughts

There are days I’ll have so much fun that it’s when I’m home I’ll see myself and be like, wow I even forgot what I looked like.

On a Final Note:

We are so focused on making our selves seem right we forget the bigger picture. There are people out there who love you already the way you are, who look up to you.

How you see yourself from now on is in your hands, no one has the right to make you feel unwanted.

Claim your body. Its beauty, its flaws, and everything it comes with, and no one will have the stupid courage to judge it for you.

You are beautiful just the way you are. Love yourself, and body and have fun, life has so much to offer, when we’re old and wrinkly we won’t remember any of these anyway.

You’re Beautiful you just have to feel it!

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